How did I get there? I realized that what's going on outside of me is not a part of me. It's about having appropriate ego boundaries -- knowing where I End and others Begin. It's about being diligent with those boundaries by not letting others 'into' me and by not forcing me 'into' others.
As tiabin says very succinctly:
In other words, if I hear my internal monologue getting all inflamed and upset about something it puts up a red flag for my consciousness that something is off kilter.
I cannot control circumstance, but I can adjust my mindset. So I’ve gotten in the habit of identifying strong emotion I experience as an indicator that there is something wrong in my head, and NOT the circumstance.